


today i’m thinking about the things that are deadly

by unsaved_joj



Category: Singer/Songwriter - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Healthy friendship, PTSD, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic friendships, Trauma, Wounds, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 10:31:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_joj/pseuds/unsaved_joj
Summary: read beginning notes for context





	1. platonic psychologist

**Author's Note:**

> for a superhero au I made. billie is a mutant and was kidnapped by scientists who wanted to research her powers. brian + joji soon rescued her from the facility but she’s still left with pains.

going to the bathroom felt like a death wish. billie wasn’t sure she could face the mirror, the shower, being in the nude after what went down. her skin crawled at the memory, skinny fingers wrapping around the fabric of her hoodie. she liked to crumple things up when she was stressed, always keeping pieces of paper or tissues nearby. they helped with comfort in some way, like dying her hair. she was strange.  
she hadn’t showered since she’d arrived back home, and things felt grungy. also, it would be cleansing, probably allow her to sleep later on, and just make her feel refreshed.

but billie was scared to see herself in the mirror. she was scared to be there, vulnerable and naked, alone with her thoughts and the shower steam. but a part of her was telling her she had to face it and get it over with. there was no use sitting in her room and staring at her hands. she breathed in lightly through her nose and stood. each bedroom in the complex had an adjoining bathroom, to which billie was slowly walking toward. she was just glad they didn’t have to go to a public bathroom or shower house. that would’ve made this much worse.

billie closed the door behind her, grabbing some towels from the cabinet under the sink. she started up the shower, making sure it was hot to combat the cold feeling in her fingers, and turned to face the mirror. she definitely looked worse than usual. her bags were darker, her hair greasy and knotted. she swallowed hard, biting the corner of her lip as she pushed her black hair back lightly. the wound from the shot in her neck was still there. it sent chills up billie’s spine, making her look away and her hair fall into her eyes. she quickly shrugged off her hoodie and sweatpants and stepped into the shower. billie hesitated, only letting the warm water hit her chest and face. she ran a hand over her face, closing her eyes and breathing out slowly.

she’d be okay. it would be okay. billie slowly turned and stepped back, letting the water hit her. she took in a sharp breath and flinched as it burned her skin. she was stumbling-

billie didn’t think they’d come in unannounced. she assumed there’d be some sort of warning, a nosebleed or a feeling in her gut signifying imminent danger, but no. the door opened, revealing a group of lab coated-freaks and two people she assumed to be guards. billie attempted to stand, knowing that her powers were muted here but not caring. she was smaller and faster, she had to have some sort of advantage. she raced to get past them, but a strong hand found her arm, yanking her down.  
“no! you fucking cunt, get away from me-“ billie continued to yell obscenities as she was thrown to the middle of the room. she heard someone mutter about “not harming the subject”, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything else except for the sharp needles the scientists were holding.

both guards were holding her down, and she felt something sharp tear against the fabric of her shirt. she screamed, trying her best to activate something, anything, but nothing worked. her back was exposed to the air, skin pricking with goosebumps, spine visible.   
“if you stop moving, it won’t hurt as much.” someone said behind her, voice muffled by a surgical mask. billie didn’t care, still struggling to get free, but she choked on her words as she felt a sharp pricking in her back. it was moving, down into her skin, deeper and deeper, and she knew the syringe had struck bone. 

but it wasn’t only one. it was followed by another, then another, then another. 11 needles. they burned, the pain unlike something she could describe. she screamed, screamed until her throat was raw and hoarse, her back on fire with whatever bullshit they’d done. they left eventually, taking their needles and their guards and their lab coats with them. billie was left, shirt covering only her front, eyes burning with tears and back left bruised. things were hopeless.

billie let out a cry, muffled by the shower, the eleven bruises on her back stinging with pain. she didn’t think it would hurt this badly. she turned back around, backing up until she hit the shower wall, her whole body shaking. the steam felt choking, her back still burning even though it wasn’t under the water anymore. she couldn’t stop the sobs, the tears leaking out of her eyes, her hand covering her mouth. 

 

💠

 

brian didn’t expect someone to be knocking at his door at midnight. yeah, the others stayed up pretty late sometimes and joji would occasionally come over to talk, but joji would always text him if he was coming. brian didn’t mind a visitor however, so he called for the person to come in. a moment passed before the door opened, revealing billie. her hair was damp, wearing only a t-shirt and shorts, hands holding a pillow and crinkling its edges. he wasn’t that surprised to see her.  
“hey, brian.” she was quiet. “can i, um...can i sleep here?” billie was hesitant to ask, feeling like she would be in the way, like brian wouldn’t want her there despite them being friends.

“yeah. yeah, of course. come in.” brian patted the bed, watching as billie entered and closed the door. she moved to the bed, putting her pillow down, and sat. there weren’t words as they both laid down, shutting out the light and letting the quiet overtake the room. they were back to back, billie utterly silent in the dark room. she didn’t even know what to say. she didn’t think she could make conversation. and now it was getting harder to breathe, and now her eyes were growing blurry, and now hot tears were falling down her cheeks and across her nose. billie couldn’t help it, the shaking and the congestion in her face. 

brian noticed the sniffling and how she was shaking the bed, so he turned over, facing her back.   
“billie.” she swallowed hard, turning to face him. he stared, brown eyes larger in the dark, concern so imminent that billie felt sick.   
“you can talk about it. you know that, right?” his voice was gentle, safe, home. billie just let out another sob, pressing her face into his chest, curling up into a ball. her back was aching still.   
“not now.” she choked out. “not now.” brian just nodded, throwing an arm around her.  
“that’s okay. it doesn’t have to be now.” he closed his eyes, letting her cry against him, feeling her shake beneath him. 

his hand ghosted over her back, only meaning to support, causing her to flinch. he pulled back, resting his arm gently. there was a lot she wasn’t telling him. but, that was okay, because she didn’t have to tell him this late at night, this vulnerable and cold and broken. billie would tell him in time, but for now, they could focus on what had been eating her alive, and let it go.

she fell asleep in his arms 9 minutes later.


	2. early risers

it was quiet. so, so painfully quiet. the silence seemed to take on a new sound, a painful ringing that clogged billie’s ears, striking her chest and sending goosebumps on her skin. they’d replaced her shredded clothes with a hospital gown, her chain necklaces and bracelets missing since she’d arrived. her knees were bruised, back aching, arms and skin sore from the shots. she’d gotten drugged so many times that it seemed permanent now, a sense of drowsiness and lacking that made her want to break. there was a fear in the back of billie’s head that her powers weren’t gonna come back from this, that if she ever got out of here, she wouldn’t be the same. billie didn’t necessarily like her powers but it would feel wrong for them to go missing now that she’d been including into 88RISING. but, she thought, let’s face it, you won’t get out of here.

faces passed across her eyes. brian. sean. joji. niki. would she see them again? she rubbed at her red eyes, leaning her head back against the cushioned white wall. things seemed hopeless. the quiet was coming in, breaking, choking-

there was a banging coming from outside the room. she opened her bright blue eyes, flinching against the wall. the lab was almost always quiet. something was going wrong. billie stayed put, a million things running through her mind. she was on edge but the paranoia was numbed, blurred at the corners. there was a period of silence, and she assumed there was nothing before loud footsteps were echoing outside, more banging. and, strangely, the sound of rushing water. that could only mean one thing. 

billie stood, clambering over to the door, beating on it with her pale fists and screaming for help. she hoped to whatever god was up in heaven that she would be heard, that she would get out of this fucking box. there was more crashing and muffled voices, and something heavy slammed against her door. she flinched back, startled.  
“billie?” the voice behind the door was familiar. she screamed back. there was a crushing sound before the door burst open, revealing the people she’d been wanting to see for what felt like days.  
brian, joji, and niki. standing before her like the images in her head, what she’d been holding onto for so long.

“fuck-“ she mumbled, tears stinging her eyes as she lunged at her best friend, arms clasped around him like he was her last breath in a drowning storm.

 

billie gasped, sitting straight up in bed, sweat beading her forehead and neck. her eyes were adjusting, heart racing wildly. she took a moment to look around, alarmed that she was somewhere else, but soothed when she recognized brian’s room. and, brian himself, who was laying beside her and stirring from his sleep as well.  
“billie? you okay?” he asked, propping himself on an elbow and squinting in the darkness. billie didn’t realize she was shaking head to toe. she didn’t realize the tears lingering in her eyes either. he looked at her for a moment before sitting up completely, facing her side.  
“billie. you’re shaking.” he moved to touch her and she flinched away, cursing herself internally.

he never hurt you. stop acting like he’s the danger.

brian muttered an apology, sitting cross-legged next to her as all the support she needed. billie swallowed the uncomfortable lump in her throat, taking in a breath that seemed to cleanse her lungs. opening her closed fist, she conjured a tarantula. most people shied away from spiders, but she found some sort of comfort and relation to them. she stared at it for a moment before closing her fist, letting it disappear as quickly as she created it. brian watched over her shoulder the whole time, unbothered.

“i’m sorry.” she apologized, leaning into him, closing her eyes. brian shrugged.  
“‘s okay. not your fault. just them.” his deep voice resonated in his chest, vibrating and tickling billie’s skin. it felt weird, like hearing blasting music and pressing your ear to the vibrating floor. she settled, letting the grasps of her nightmare leave her, undried hair from the shower damp with sweat, her t-shirt sticking.   
“i know. just wish i could cut this stupid shit out.” billie huffed. brian nodded.  
“you’re frustrated. that’s okay.”   
there was a period of silence again, just their breathing and the far-off yelling of august losing mario kart to niki in the game room. billie and brian often went there to watch masiwei kick everyone’s ass in table tennis. 

“can i talk about it?” billie asked. “what happened, i mean.” she was looking at him now, her blue eyes beacons in the dark. brian nodded.  
“only if you’re comfortable with it, billie.” he assured her, nodding. billie nodded back, moving to face him directly. she took a moment, thinking.  
“i don’t know why i walked away. i didn’t wanna leave you guys but there was this weird feeling i had about someone around us.”  
“like spidey sense?”  
“yeah! yeah. i go in, and my fuckin’ nose starts bleeding. i was really confused but i felt this pain in my neck and i just blacked out.” billie paused. her light-hearted tone was going to leave pretty soon. she swallowed again, throat suddenly dry.

“so, i wake up and all my jewelry and chains and shit are gone. i tried to use my powers but nothing was working, not even a spider or anything. so i couldn’t go anywhere or tell anyone anything. nobody spoke to me. they called me, like, ‘subject’ or whatever. totally like the russian sleep experiment.”   
brian was listening intently, dark brown eyes focused on billie’s face.   
“and then, um...they came in. it had been really long before that. but, um-“ billie trailed off. she wasn’t sure how to explain this next part. brian was still staring curiously.  
“you don’t have to say if it’s too uncomfortable.” brian assured her. billie shook her head.

“nah, i’ve come this far. i think i’ll just...show you.” billie paused before turning around. she took in a deep breath before lifting up her t-shirt, revealing the pale and bruised skin of her back. billie could hear the sharp intake of breath coming from brian and it made her skin crawl. she knew he was shocked. she knew he was pitying her, empathizing. she could sense it in the air.

“can i...”   
billie just nodded to him. she prepared herself, skin bristling. warm fingers pressed against her cool spine, causing her to flinch. brian didn’t pull back but moved gently, running his fingers over a purpling bruise. the veins had all popped beneath it, looking like some sort of weird finger painting, human skin being the canvas.   
“fuck.” he mumbled to himself, causing her to swallow hard.   
“i didn’t want to tell you.” billie muttered aloud, her jaw slightly clenched. his fingers moved to the bruise above the previous one, warmth blooming on her skin.   
“i know it’s stupid, but...” she trailed off. a finger pressed to hard and she hissed, eyes flashing black for a moment. brian apologized profusely before going back to their silence.

billie moved her shirt back down, turning around again to face brian.  
“it’s not stupid that you didn’t tell me. you were uncomfortable.” he assured her. she shrugged.  
“i shouldn’t be.”  
“what do you mean?”   
billie shrugged again.  
“i mean...you’re my best friend.” those words made brian’s face light up but the room was too dark to notice. “i should be able to tell you anything, y’know? but...this was hard.” 

a pause of silence.  
“i get it. sometimes there’s certain stuff about my dad that i feel like i can’t tell you. or, joji. he’s like this all the time. it’s normal.” he patted her shoulder gingerly. billie flinched beneath it but nodded.  
“i guess so. i hope so. i wanna trust you and i know that i can.” she looked at him with something of hopefulness. he smiled back. billie lingered for a moment before turning, looking to the shuddered window.   
“how late is it?”  
brian checked his phone.  
“about 4 am.”   
“jesus.”

there was a comforting silence between the both of them as they looked to different corners of the room: brian considering the bruises, billie considering brian. they both had opened up a bit that night, billie more than brian, but that meant a lot. he looked to her, spine poking through her t-shirt.  
“you wanna go back to sleep?” he asked her. billie turned, shrugging.   
“um...i think i’ll stay up for a bit longer.” she admitted. brian nodded and settled back under the covers. within minutes, his breathing had deepened and slowed, light snores occasionally coming from him. billie looked to the window once again before looking back at brian, his chest and shoulders rising and falling beneath the blanket. she counted each breath, watching him. 

making sure he was safe.

**Author's Note:**

> if u want more just tell me! please leave feedback!


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